Transformers- The Review
Against the gentle nudging of my better judgment, and with the numerous shining reviews by various colleagues and family members spurring me on, I went to see the Transformers last night. I will probably catch some flack for this, but I was decepticonned out of nearly eight bucks to watch a glorified automobile commercial.
I kept waiting for the film to transform into more than meets the eye, though after the first thirty minutes or so I was ready to roll out of the theater. With a movie such as this it is difficult to know what to expect, and with such an implausible plot- awkward teenage blunderer manages to attract super hot model-type…um, I mean, ordinary vehicles transform into enormous robots intent on world destruction- it seems almost ridiculous to nitpick over such trivialities as a decent script or some degree of depth. That said, whoever wrote this script should never work in Hollywood again. Well, maybe in Hollywood, but never for a studio with even a shred of good taste or integrity. It is a formulatic bromide that is actually painful to watch at times. The characters spew forth a near endless stream of cliché-ridden, prozaic (intentional misspelling), subliterate banality. I actually cringed at some of the more obvious, insipid one-liners. The heavy handed moral lessons, constant reminders of good versus evil, and the condescending, self congratulatory treatment of the human race inspired in me only the urge to vomit into the nearest trashcan. And what is with the constant reminders of seatbelt safety?
The jokes are simplistic and the film telegraphs every punch (including a few political jabs at current events). There is absolutely no character development, even among the robot stars. I seem to recall in the original series a certain rivalry between the cowardly Starscream and the leader Megatron, both of the Decepticon faction, perhaps the only truly interesting element in the history of the cartoon. Even this is missing, given only a vague nod in the film.
I found the actors to be little more than shiny, plodding, automatons- and that was just the humans. Heavy hitters Voight and Turturro appear in roles they will wish had been forgotten (and probably will). Every character is a stereotype, or maybe a stereotype of a stereotype. Some might argue that the this is merely an introduction for the unavoidable sequel(s), but that seems little more than a copout for terrible movie making.
This is standard children's fare, though I fear the language and a certain degree of innuendo may prove prohibitive to the age group that might actually relate to the film, perhaps the six to eleven year-old category. Personally, I have no problem with children watching pretty much whatever…I did, and I turned out alright...mostly. Actually, I think the children today deserve a bit more credit, and that they are capable of understanding and appreciating a much more sophisticated film than is presented here.
I recall enjoying the cartoon when I was a child- A series designed to sell toys, with clumsy moral lessons and which basically used the same plot for each episode. Compared to the movie, that series had imagination and vision. If you want to watch a cartoon about shape-changing robots that actually has some depth, and a huge amount of character development, I recommend the three Robotech series produced by Harmony Gold back in the 1980's (roughly the same time frame), rewritten and spliced together from three separate failed Japanese anime series.
Perhaps the only area the film shines in is special effects, and they are truly impressive examples of computer animation- one of those rare occasions when CGI meshes almost seamlessly with real world elements. But so what? It is almost impossible for me to find entertainment in mere flashy action sequences. Sue me, but I want at least a little depth, even in a film about giant transforming robots.
I so seldom watch big blockbuster summer fare that it is difficult for me to gauge just how bad this movie really is by comparison. I could resort to Van Helsing, my usual benchmark for huge, multimillion dollar Hollywood garbage. Transformers is by no means that bad (but then, what is?). Having thus fulfilled my quota of big Hollywood crap for this summer, I will, as usual seek refuge in a number of smaller budget indie gems.
I kept waiting for the film to transform into more than meets the eye, though after the first thirty minutes or so I was ready to roll out of the theater. With a movie such as this it is difficult to know what to expect, and with such an implausible plot- awkward teenage blunderer manages to attract super hot model-type…um, I mean, ordinary vehicles transform into enormous robots intent on world destruction- it seems almost ridiculous to nitpick over such trivialities as a decent script or some degree of depth. That said, whoever wrote this script should never work in Hollywood again. Well, maybe in Hollywood, but never for a studio with even a shred of good taste or integrity. It is a formulatic bromide that is actually painful to watch at times. The characters spew forth a near endless stream of cliché-ridden, prozaic (intentional misspelling), subliterate banality. I actually cringed at some of the more obvious, insipid one-liners. The heavy handed moral lessons, constant reminders of good versus evil, and the condescending, self congratulatory treatment of the human race inspired in me only the urge to vomit into the nearest trashcan. And what is with the constant reminders of seatbelt safety?
The jokes are simplistic and the film telegraphs every punch (including a few political jabs at current events). There is absolutely no character development, even among the robot stars. I seem to recall in the original series a certain rivalry between the cowardly Starscream and the leader Megatron, both of the Decepticon faction, perhaps the only truly interesting element in the history of the cartoon. Even this is missing, given only a vague nod in the film.
I found the actors to be little more than shiny, plodding, automatons- and that was just the humans. Heavy hitters Voight and Turturro appear in roles they will wish had been forgotten (and probably will). Every character is a stereotype, or maybe a stereotype of a stereotype. Some might argue that the this is merely an introduction for the unavoidable sequel(s), but that seems little more than a copout for terrible movie making.
This is standard children's fare, though I fear the language and a certain degree of innuendo may prove prohibitive to the age group that might actually relate to the film, perhaps the six to eleven year-old category. Personally, I have no problem with children watching pretty much whatever…I did, and I turned out alright...mostly. Actually, I think the children today deserve a bit more credit, and that they are capable of understanding and appreciating a much more sophisticated film than is presented here.
I recall enjoying the cartoon when I was a child- A series designed to sell toys, with clumsy moral lessons and which basically used the same plot for each episode. Compared to the movie, that series had imagination and vision. If you want to watch a cartoon about shape-changing robots that actually has some depth, and a huge amount of character development, I recommend the three Robotech series produced by Harmony Gold back in the 1980's (roughly the same time frame), rewritten and spliced together from three separate failed Japanese anime series.
Perhaps the only area the film shines in is special effects, and they are truly impressive examples of computer animation- one of those rare occasions when CGI meshes almost seamlessly with real world elements. But so what? It is almost impossible for me to find entertainment in mere flashy action sequences. Sue me, but I want at least a little depth, even in a film about giant transforming robots.
I so seldom watch big blockbuster summer fare that it is difficult for me to gauge just how bad this movie really is by comparison. I could resort to Van Helsing, my usual benchmark for huge, multimillion dollar Hollywood garbage. Transformers is by no means that bad (but then, what is?). Having thus fulfilled my quota of big Hollywood crap for this summer, I will, as usual seek refuge in a number of smaller budget indie gems.
posted by Joel Hardin | 7:35 PM
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